Thank You For The Pain – I Think I Have A.S.

I’m afraid, nervous, worried, concerned, hopeful at times and eager to see what’s going to happen next. I got my blood test back today. I have AS (Ankylosing Spondylitis), a chronic inflammatory, arthritic disease of the major vertebrae in my spine. I haven’t been clinically diagnosed but for the past 10 years of my life I have suffered, with increasingly agonizing pain, all throughout my spine, neck and hips.

All this time I have been on a quest to find out what it was that was causing all this pain…was it my diet, my sedentary lifestyle (which was mainly because of how much pain I was in) other than my daily yoga practice of stretching, breath work, mantra etc., was it due to the skateboarding accidents I had as a teenager falling ten feet onto my tailbone, or falling 8 feet into a sewer and landing on my head?
For all these years I have constantly been silently as well as verbally given thanks for this opportunity to learn about life in ways I probably never would have got to learn about. This pain and suffering sent me on a quest where I learned about the ways of Kundalini Yoga, Meditation, Pranayama (breath work), I learned of the inner workings of my body and the anatomy of the brain and human system, I discovered the power of the mind and how to program myself, I learned the ways of herbal therapy, raw living and cultured foods, acupuncture, chiropractic, massage and physical therapies, water therapies, enzyme and probiotic therapies, and many more methodologies of healing that have formed my character knowledge and wisdom in the most profound ways.

Of course, along my path (which I believe isn’t really a path, but a presence, as there is only ONE ETERNAL PRESENT MOMENT) I have felt, or maybe neglected to feel, the deep pain and agony of my joints, my spine, my hip joints and gone through intense moments of anger, frustration, guilt, shame, grief, worry, doubt, fear and all of those lower emotions.

For many years, I held it all in. I tried to ignore the pain and emotions, and push them away, only to find them there the next morning. The pain became a part of my spiritual practice, of coming to know WHO I AM and what I can do as a Spiritual Electrical Infinite Being in this finite limited body full of sharp pain and stiffness.

Some days I could hardly get out of bed, and when I managed to roll out and fall onto my feet I’d give (and still do) a BIG THANK YOU for another day of life…I can see, hear, think, smell, taste, feel. I am thankful to be.  The whole reason for this post is to let the world know that the story is not over, as a matter of fact is just beginning.

A few days ago I received the news – from a genetic blood test – that I have the gene HLA-B27, which is an uncommon gene only found in about 8% of the Caucasians and prevalent in those who have AS (Ankylosing Spondylitis) – a chronic inflammatory and arthritic disease of the spine. Every symptom that I have points to this condition, even though I have no been clinically diagnosed. Waking up in the morning with pain and stiffness, pain relief in hot showers and hotter weather, more pain at night and in cold weather, severe pain when consuming starchy foods such as roots, nuts and seeds (especially uncultured and not germinated), and so forth.

I really wanted to find out if I had this gene so that I can narrow down into exactly what is causing this pain…I am willing to do whatever it takes, and I am thankful for my condition, and I look forward to experiencing the most amazing relief and learning the deepest lessons and breaking through the most stuck areas within my consciousness, for I know that that is what this is all about.

It’s no coincidence that I have been formally introduced to the ancient healing practice of medical Chi Kung through a dear friend of mine, Loren Reid, who brought me to a course taught by Grand Master Mantak Chia in Los Angeles this past weekend. This practical way of healing through the The Inner Smile, Six Healing Sounds, and the Microcosmic Orbit have connected me with my SOURCE just as much as my relationship with Kundalini Yoga.

I truly believe that with all the knowledge and wisdom I have gained over the last 10 years, combined with my latest findings of a Starch Free Diet for people with AS, and my new-found (and probably many lifetimes worth of) practice of Medical Chi Kung is going to bring me to places beyond my highest, clearest and most deeply desired dreams of living a life FREE FROM PAIN, a life full of Vital Energy, Chi, and most importantly, Love, Joy, Happiness, Health, Wealth and Longevity!

I want to dedicate these next words to those AMAZING Angels in my life who have been there for me through thick and thin! Thank you Grandma Linda, for your undying support, and dedication to “find the answers.” The money, love, supplements, research, books, home, food, advice, healing tools have not gone unappreciated. For you I am infinitely grateful and will give back to you in ways we both can’t even imagine at this moment – and that time is very near. Mom, your unconditional love and support, letting me do what I thought was right for me, and your light heart, and open mind have been immeasurably helpful. You are the BEST Mother I could ever ask for…and we both know that I chose you! Thank you for believing in me…It’s only going to get better from here!

Dodee, my BEST FRIEND, my Partner, my Lover, my Goddess, my entrepreneurial cohort – your MASSIVE heart, patience, openness, gentility, powerful communication skills, creative abilities, friendliness, playfulness, respect, and unconditional love have been profoundly instrumental for me since we’ve been together. You mean more to me than I could ever put into words, and I am so excited for us to EMPOWER OURSELVES and overflow our LOVE and WISDOM to the world together as we travel through time and space, laughing, crying, singing, dancing, swimming, playing, and discovering all of the unlimited potential that is within us. You Are My Goddess!

Thank you to ALL my friends and family, to both of my Dad’s for loving me, to Loren Reid for your spiritual. mental, physical knowledge about life and how the body works, thank you Angelo Pugliese for all your love, support and spiritual discipline, thank you Lou Corona for your unconditional love and support and for reminding me of the Four Universal Principles of Life, thank you Kiro and Ras Michael for your deep roots in JAH SPIRIT and heartical Ibrations and livity. Thanks Bruce Wall, Michael M, Peter Katz, Douglas Bader, Josh Madrid, Happy Bird, Jedi, Shaman and Puzzle, thank you to Michael Hayden and Bobby Aktin, thanks to Nolan Bibb, thank you to Nadia Tene, JoAnn Cuddigan, David Serio, Ito and all my friends at Au Lac, thanks to Brian Ridgway for every single conversation for each one gets better and better! There are so many people who I would love to thank and if you aren’t mentioned here – you know who you are! Thank you to Master Mantak Chia for your dedication and practice in the ancient ways and for sharing it with all of us…I could go on for hours giving thanks to all of you!

I am going to be documenting my progress with regard to my health and life with the intention that it will hopefully inspire, educate and bring benefit to those who may be suffering with AS or any type of pain. The pain is there for a reason. It is our friend. One of the most powerful teachings in the Tao is that Mother Earth is here to take ALL our GARBAGE material and nonmaterial and she uses it as FOOD and turns it into life!

It’s up to us to feel our emotions and learn from them, and forgive, forget and let it go, as Master Chia says. We are ALL our OWN Healers. Of course is very comforting and nice to have support around us, but I have learned now more than ever that I MUST support myself to even receive any benefit of the support from others. I MUST LOVE MYSELF, before I can love others of receive love from others. I must FORGIVE myself, before I can forgive others, you get the picture.

All of this takes time, and it is an ongoing process. If you haven’t started now, start a spiritual practice, or just a practice of getting to know yourself, devote time each day to YOURSELF, whether it’s going for a walk, journaling, reading, meditating, practicing yoga or tai chi or chi kung, anything. Just get to know yourself, and become strong in your knowing, and you can overcome ANYTHING that stands in front of becoming YOUR BEST!

I realize this is probably one of the longest blogs, but this is the start of something so grand and wonderful, for me, for all of the readers and for all those who I get blessed to serve!